What a couple of Month's it has been!

We are finally winding down on our trek season. I have one more week of heavy sewing and then it backs off drastically from there. I haven't had much time to update the world. So here it goes. Mary finished school. She is now officially a 2nd Grader. She got up this morning and said that she couldn't wait for her birthday because then she would be accountable and know right from wrong. We had yet another discussion about the fact that you just don't wake up one morning and know how to choose the right. You have to practice making choices every day.

About a month ago, after yet another screaming session of doing Mary's hair, I made an appointment with the local shop to have her hair cut. She fought me all the way but after it was done, she loved how not tangled it was. It is now a chin length bob and it is very cute. Now she does her hair almost constantly. Just before the hair cut she decided that it was time for her bangs to be cut so once again she cut her own hair. She cut them off right at the roots. Her hair might look normal for the beginning of school.

Business has been very busy. We have been sewing about 12 hours every day for a couple of months. To make matters worse, I'm not adjusting well to the earlier ship times so we have had to make rush trips to Salt Lake to make shipments at the airport on the average of twice a week. Hopefully next year will be better.

Our house looks like we are either moving in or out. Can't really tell which. I have been so busy that the unpacking just hasn't happened. I'm hoping that now that it is slowing down, I'll be able to finish putting the house together before the end of the first week of August.

In June, my heart flipped out. I spent 2 weeks in atrial fibrillation (a-fib). The doctors told me that because they have eliminated the stroke factor with the blood thinner, that the rest of a-fib is more or less just a nuisance. It makes me really tired; my resting heart rate was 140. Finally after they gave me a medicine to reduce my heart rate, my heart started beating normally again about 2 weeks later. The really bad part of it is that Mary will not go anywhere without me. She goes with me to Relief Society and Sunday School which is really the only place I go lately. She used to spend my sister's days off with her, but now she won't because she is worried that something will happen to me if she isn't around. I don't know how to help her out of this. We need to figure out a solution before school starts because I don't really want to go to 2nd grade.

One advantage to living so close to my parents is that we go to their house for lunch every day. My sister prepares ultra healthy food for my mom and dad so we get at least one healthy meal every day. Other advantages include that my dad mows my lawn and my mom doesn't have to drive 2 hours just because she's worried about us. We really like the small town living.

Mary had a great time on the 4th of July. We went to a neighbors house to watch the parade because our house isn't on the parade route. Almost every entry in this parade throws candy. Then after the parade the kids all head to the park where the firetruck soaks them with the hose. The rodeo grounds are right across the street from us which is where they light the fireworks so almost without my knowing, Mary set up a family BBQ to watch the fireworks. Someone in the family let me know that she had invited them, by asking what they could bring. She is definitely her daddy's little girl. He always wanted to have a group over for some reason or another and I was always the stick in the mud. We have a fire pit in our back yard. We had some very expertly roasted marshmallows courtesy of my nephew's girlfriend. Yum! The fireworks were great too. Front row seats and we didn't have to fight traffic afterwards.

When Earl passed away, I promised the Gillmore's that I would make sure that we made one trip a year to Seattle. We are going for 12 days in August. Returning on Mary's birthday. At first she wasn't very excited about that but then Grandma told her that it would be like having a birthday party on the plane. Now she can't wait and I hope Grandma's right. Mary starts school on August 20th so we have to be back in time for school.

My calling in the ward is "Audio Specialist" We have several older members that can't get out to church so we record Relief Society and Sacrament meeting with a Digital Voice Recorder, then I take them a transfer the recordings to CD's and deliver them to the home bound visiting teacher who makes weekly visits to these sisters. What a cool church we belong to. Always taking care of everyone.

I miss Earl every day. Today we had a pioneer centered program partly because of Pioneer Day coming up and partly because the stake just got back from trek. One of the sisters spoke about how she felt like those that had passed through that way in the 19th century were helping them reenact the trek. I think Earl probably is in that group. I can't imagine that he would be anywhere else but teaching others about the pioneers.

We are in Lewiston!

Well, we made the move last weekend. I got computers up and running today. My sewing room is not ideal yet but functional. That's a good thing because we have received lots of orders.

I arrived Saturday just after they finished unloading the truck. By the way, for those who know how much stuff I have, I did not fit into a 26 foot truck. We went back on Sunday to retreive the rest of it. When I walked in the first time, there was a path so that you could walk through to each room but other than that it was packed in here. I have an absolutely amazing sister who stayed until we had beds to sleep in and part of the kitchen unpacked. She and her husband also helped get the rest of the stuff from the old house. Then she and her husband came on Monday to get my sewing room put together. Yesterday she worked on my kitchen, today we had to pick up some things in Logan so we haven't done much unpacking.

There are so many people who have helped out with this move. I couldn't have made it without so much help.

Mary seems to love her new school. Monday she was a little overwhelmed and wanted to move back to Salt Lake but each day she comes home with more good things.

Moving day is next week

We have been packing up and it seems like we are making headway but then I look at what still needs to be done, and I get so overwhelmed. I am so appreciative of all of the help that I have received from so many. We have taken out loads of garbage, loads to the DI, given away boxes of fabric scraps to quilters and I still have lots of stuff left over.

My bedroom is one of the last places to sort through. We will be giving a bunch of books to the Mormon Battalion for their library. I will we giving some books to our ward's lending library. I have video tapes to go through, and boxes and boxes of paper and clothing.

We have spent at least part of every weekend in Lewiston. Mary and I can't wait until we will be there full time in our own house. Mary worked on pulling old corn stalks out of the garden last weekend. Her dad taught her to love plants. She has a list of the things that she wants to put in her garden.

I took pictures last weekend when I looked at them, you can't really see anything. How do they take those pictures that are on the real estate sites? I didn't get anything of the outside because it was dark when I took pictures. I will try again this weekend.

No more rumors. We are moving

Mary and I have found a home for rent in Lewiston, UT. It is an older home and comes with a yard. The kitchen was updated recently and has oak cabinets full across 2 walls. I can put my dining table in the center of the room and my freezer and refrigerator on another wall and still walk all the way around the table. It already has an office space that will work great for Pioneer Designs. The living room is 20x40. I don't know if I have enough stuff to furnish it but we are excited about it. It has a garden space and a pasture that someone else apparently takes care of. Mary wants a pet (a cat) I am not a cat person so I'm trying to get her to go a little smaller like a gerbil or a guinea pig. The landlord will let us have outdoor animals but it gets so cold in Lewiston during the winter that I'm not sure that will work. Next week when we are up for Earl's Birthday, I will take some pictures. We are going to try to be moved in by May 1.

One Month

We have survived the first month since Earl's death. We have had some peaceful moments and some teary moments. One sweet moment: Mary told me that she had a dream about Daddy. I asked her if he said anything to her. She said "No Mom, spirits can't talk to you, they just watch." She is thinking about her baptism later this year. Right now she doesn't know who she can trust to baptize her and not leave her in the water too long.

I have found myself not doing a lot even when I have had a lot to do. I am getting better at just getting in and making myself work. My house is still a wreck but I'm making progress on the laundry. I keep hoping that the laundry-folding-fairy will come some night and my laundry will get off my couch. At least I have washed it and it is no longer a stinky mountain in front of the washer.

My landlord brought us in a new dishwasher. It really works. I guess the 3rd time is the charm. I love loading dishes in and having them come out clean.

The medical equipment company finally came and picked up the hospital bed and now I can get to my vacuum. I can't find my broom or my toilet brush so I guess I'll have to go buy new ones.

I need to find the box of tax information so that I can file my tax returns. And finally, I need to figure out a schedule so that I can do some sorting everyday along with sewing, spending time with Mary and taking care of the house.

Biggest things to learn when you experience a death in your family: Breath in and out and put one foot in front of the other. Pray always. Have patience with yourself. Healing takes time.

One thing I do know is that Earl is very busy. I don't know exactly what he is doing but I know that he has things he needs to get done as well. We both are still working toward our common goal of the Celestial Kingdom.

I picked out the headstone today. I hope I did the right thing. As a veteren, Earl was qualified to receive a military headstone. They are very simple. I wanted Earl's to say something about him. I love to walk through cemeteries and make up stories about people based on what is on the headstones. Earl and I had several dates doing just that. I want a headstone that someone could look at it and know something about him.

Back in Business

I know that many reading our blog have not wanted to contribute to the chaos, so I just want to let everyone know who may be contemplating an order, we are back and functioning. Its time to get ready for trek.

Thanks all for your concern and prayers.

Our new adventure

Its early Monday afternoon. The funeral was Saturday. I was very touched at the things that were said and the musical numbers. I planned the service, but I had no idea that at the response that I would have. I have had so many people helping me through the last week. I could never have made it through it all without so many people. Everyone has gone home. Mary is in school, although she never stopped going.

We now begin a new chapter in our lives. I keep trying to tell myself that it really shouldn't be that hard. Afterall, I was single for 38 years before I met Earl. But the reality is that Earl did come into my life and changed it forever. Going back is impossible. And now I am a single mom.

I have a mountain of stuff to sort through. There are many things that I definately want to keep. There are also many things that just need to be thrown away. However most of the stuff, falls into the really have to think about it category. I have had several people offer to help. I'm not sure that I am ready to tackle that yet. For the last eight years, Earl has done the bulk of the housework. I have to remember how to clean, do dishes and laundry. I know that it is just a matter of digging in. But then you add in the Earl factor. I can not do any of those things without thinking of him and then I start crying.

Then I wonder if I really did everything I could to keep him alive for as long as he could? Sometimes I don't feel sad at all. I actually catch myself laughing. Is that appropriate behavior for someone who's husband has just died? People ask and I tell them I'm doing okay. I think that I am and then in the next minute, I don't know if I am or not. I guess I have a lot of mental sorting as well as physical sorting.

I have orders that need to be completed. Work is therapy. Or is it escape?