Our new adventure

Its early Monday afternoon. The funeral was Saturday. I was very touched at the things that were said and the musical numbers. I planned the service, but I had no idea that at the response that I would have. I have had so many people helping me through the last week. I could never have made it through it all without so many people. Everyone has gone home. Mary is in school, although she never stopped going.

We now begin a new chapter in our lives. I keep trying to tell myself that it really shouldn't be that hard. Afterall, I was single for 38 years before I met Earl. But the reality is that Earl did come into my life and changed it forever. Going back is impossible. And now I am a single mom.

I have a mountain of stuff to sort through. There are many things that I definately want to keep. There are also many things that just need to be thrown away. However most of the stuff, falls into the really have to think about it category. I have had several people offer to help. I'm not sure that I am ready to tackle that yet. For the last eight years, Earl has done the bulk of the housework. I have to remember how to clean, do dishes and laundry. I know that it is just a matter of digging in. But then you add in the Earl factor. I can not do any of those things without thinking of him and then I start crying.

Then I wonder if I really did everything I could to keep him alive for as long as he could? Sometimes I don't feel sad at all. I actually catch myself laughing. Is that appropriate behavior for someone who's husband has just died? People ask and I tell them I'm doing okay. I think that I am and then in the next minute, I don't know if I am or not. I guess I have a lot of mental sorting as well as physical sorting.

I have orders that need to be completed. Work is therapy. Or is it escape?